Let's Talk About Consent

*Content Warning!* In this article we are chatting about consent, and under that topic will be mentioning topics like sexual assault, colonization, and racist troupes. If these topics aren’t your jam then we suggest you skip this one. We’ve got a quick exit button on the page for a speedy exit if you need it. If you are, or know someone who is, a victim of sexual assault and are looking for help, resources, or to report please go here. 

February is known for a few things; It’s (lack of) length, Black History Month, Groundhog Day, and the always polarizing Valentines Day (aka, Galentine's Day, or Singles Awareness Day). For this month’s topic, we are talking about Consent Culture. The natural first link is to Valentines Day, but we feel it also deeply connects to Black History and Canada’s bad pattern of colonization. Think about it, our entire country is stolen land from the indigenous peoples of so-called Canada. Uninvited settlers stole land, stole indigenous people, and attempted to eradicate hundreds of different indigenous nations through heteronormative, Christian, assimilation.

So what is consent culture? A culture in which the prevailing narrative of sex is centered on mutual consent. It is a culture that does not force anyone into anything, respects bodily autonomy and is based on the belief that a person is always the best judge of their own wants and needs. Currently, the culture we reside in is considered rape culture, which defines its self as exactly the opposite of the definition above, in other words, harmful, misogynistic, racist, and all in all, bad times. According to feminist sociologist, Dr. Mythili Rajiva, “we have to keep in mind that for Black girls and women and Indigenous girls and women, rape culture is something that has existed for a really long time. We’re talking over 100[‘s] years for these communities and been taken for granted. So when we use the term rape culture, we also have to think about whether its development in contemporary culture is really about our fears around white middle-class girls being vulnerable.” 

Here’s the fun part about consent culture, it can (and ought to) transcend beyond the bedroom! Consent is a lot like a muscle, the more you practice and use it, the easier and stronger you become when invoking it. It can be brought into all aspects of your life. 

So what is consent? According to the Anti Violence Project that our Let’s Get Consensual Campaign is based off of is:

1. A mutually communicated agreement
   All parties clearly communicate that they are consenting to proposed activity.
2. Agreed to with enthusiasm
   All parties clearly demonstrate a genuine willingness to participate. No one is           being coerced. 
3. Responsibility of the initiator
   Whoever came up with the current idea/activity has a responsibility to get clear consent. This responsibility changes if someone else suggests a new activity.
4. Ongoing
   Initiator continues to check in as activity progresses. 
5. Cannot be held to a predetermined agreement
   Folks are allowed to change their minds
6. Best practiced sober
   Under Canadian law, people who are intoxicated or under the influence of substances cannot consent to sexual activities. Be mindful of all parties’ states of mind when suggesting sexual activity, or other potentially risky activities. 

There is a common knee-jerk reaction to the topic of consent, particularly among men and those with a lot of internalized misogyny that this means one simply “can’t even talk to women” or that a partner’s wants, needs, or pleasures aren’t thought about, or aren’t prioritized, or maybe even regarded. Pro tip: that’s a problem. 

This Valentines Day, and every other day going forward, we are encouraging all to practice consent. Consider how the larger systems like sexism, colonialism, and racism, around you are likely affecting many of your friends, partners, family, and peers, and maybe even yourself. To keep it simple:

ASK: do you want to do this/that? Can I _______ ? 

COMMUNICATE: Make sure you are both on the same page, and genuinely want the same thing. 

LOOK: for an enthusiastic response free of any coercion from you, or others around you.

RESPECT: being told no. Every. Damn. Time. 

REMEMBER: anyone can change their mind at any time, and to check in as you go along.

If you are, or know someone who is, a victim of sexual assault and are looking for help, resources, or to report please go here.